May 21, 2006

  • Moms

    I love my mother.


    I do.


    It's just that she is so very different than my family in the way she thinks, acts, responds, speaks.


    It's just that she is against all of the freedoms I believe in (as in freedom for EVERYONE to be who they are, to marry in any combination they see fit - female/female, black/white, male/female, white/white, Asian/white... - to live together if marriage isn't the answer, to have as many animals as they can afford, to raise their children to be strong and independent). The list goes on and on.


    It's just that it was easier when we weren't spending the weekend looking for a house close to my own house, a house where she will live for years to come, a house where I will have to visit more than once every couple of months.


    It's just that this morning, I am feeling selfish, and I want to not watch what I say, I want to let the dog roam the house, I want to let my childrens' friends come and go as they wish, and I want to go back to sleep instead of getting out of bed on her schedule.........


    I love her.


    I really, really do.

Comments (14)

  • Dear Tammy,

    As usual each weekend I'm visiting blogs. It's raining here in Sunny Southern Cal this morning. What a nice tribute to you Mom, even though you disagree. I hope you can "be selfish" if you want. Seems to me you are quite a giving person, and you probably need to be "selfish" every now and then.

    Congrats on Robert's promotion. Hope the custody battle goes as planned. I loved the entry about "May 11"

    I believe I even visited Robert's blog a while back but he never visited me in return. 

    Take care,

    Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool

  • I say, go ahead and let the dog and the kids out! She can make an adjustment or two. After all, you have done it. :hug: :hearts:

  • I so understand how you might feel, as I lived right across the street from my mother when my children were young. Now that I'm the mother and grandmother, it kind of makes me sad to know that mostly our children love us, but find us a burden. I don't want to end my life that way, being a burden. And my family are the people I know and love best, so sparing them the burden by being far away is very hard to think about too. I guess in the end, it's about compromises.

  • Sometimes relationships are hardest with people we love the most. If you didn't love them then you'd just say forget you and walk away.

    Good luck with the changes.

  • be selfish - sometimes selfish is good and deserving ... :hearts:

  • OH MY GOSH.......I could have EASILY written this post!!! I attempt to not write about my mom on my post because to many family members read it and they have BIG mouths.   Yes, I LOVE my mother too but as I grow older there are many differences we have regarding people and church and pets and the way I raise my kids and yeah...the list goes on and on. It's unreal that you wrote this because I have had this on my mind so much lately.  My mom has a very hard time forgiving people that have done her wrong in the past. I try to live by the bible....you know, how can anyone forgive us if we can't forgive others so I try to look past their faults.....I have PLENTY of my own faults to be judging others. She makes it VERY known if she does not like someone that I am friends with, because of something they have done in the past. It's SO frustrating!! We have two cats now....she just "can't believe that I have cats....especially in the house"....but you know, she never gave me the the opportunity to have many pets growing up. We are in the process of deciding whether to move out of state due to a job situation and many of these thoughts have been going through my mind and trying to help me make my decisions.  I think some mom's just won't let their kids grow up and become adults without thinking they have to continue to RUN our lives. But yes.....I love my mom too. VERY VERY VERY GOOD POST.:heartbeat:

  • I pointed out a couple of houses to my daughter, that I felt would be too small for us to live in... and told her that I thought we'd be getting on each other's nerves fairly quickly if we weren't careful!

  • I know what it's like to love a mom so much and still not agree with her all the time.  I really felt for you when I read this post!

  • I'm hugging you in my heart right now, because I know EXACTLY how you feel.  In fact, I think I could actually write a book about my mother and her daughters, and you'd be able to relate with every page!! 

    If you can, try to not look at the big picture where she's concerned.  Look at each day by itself and when it's over, tell yourself, "There.  We made it through another day.  Another day closer to the time when she won't be quite so close or quite so able to control us."  Then take one thing about what's changed with her there, and take that thing BACK.  You'll be amazed at the strength and the power you'll feel just by reclaiming that little corner of your life. 

    This too shall pass.  In the meantime, know you're not alone.

  • You have to love her but you don't have to like her..........not all the time. :heartbeat:

  • Tammy -

       I'm not sure if you remember me or not. You had visited my xanga while back, and left me a comment about my daughter and I. It was right around the time your son went to jail. Ever since, I have been visiting your page and trying to keep up. Words can't explain how much I look up to you. This post about your mother really made me think. I've never met someone like you. So kind, and giving. Understanding I think is a better word. You are allowed to be selfish every once in awhile. Your words are so touching. Does your son have an xanga? Does he have a girlfriend? :hearts:

  • Trust me, I know EXACTLY what you mean.  You've met my mother, so you know!  I've bitten my tongue so many time that it's amazing I haven't bitten it off completely!

    We can't change our moms, though, so all we can do is change the way we respond to them.  You know, change the things we can, accept the things we can't, and have the wisdom to know the difference.

    Hang in there!

  • I love my Mom too and she is cool and openminded and completely accepting of me loving another woman and a woman who is 25 yrs my senior and so many things about so many people...

    and yet

    we have our past, we are mother and daughter there are twitchy annoying things and moments that now at least I KNOW that she can say black or white, yes or no, up or down and it will not matter

    I will cringe or feel annoyed or some ridiculously human freudianpsychobabbletermed thing... I love my mom too... point being I understand.  : )

  • Judgementalism is building fences, ever closer to home to contain the known and keep out damn well everything else as it is so threatening.  My mother is very open, not judgemental at all, but she has her faults and drives me totally insane anyway.

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