Rob's little brother, and my baby boy, went to prom on the 4th. He and his beautiful date looked so amazing together!
I am very, very, very proud of all of my children. Life is good, right now.
This is Nic and Tish right before they got into the 1938 Ford convertible the we rented for the occasion. Nic has other pictures on his site. Enjoy!
WOW, has it really been since March? Robert continues to move forward, and his visitations with Destiny are getting longer. He goes back to court on March 11. According to the law guardian, Des should be able to be with us all summer. Then Robert will go back to court to try to get permanent custody. Cross your crossables.
In the meantime, Robert has just signed the lease on his first apartment. Here are the pictures from earlier this week:
And here are a couple of shots from Destiny's favorite place to be (except the swimming pool):
I hope that everyone is enjoying the early summer days as much as I am.
Being a teenager is the HARDEST job in the world.
Being the mom of a teenager, and watching as they go through the pain of heartbreak, is the second hardest job in the world.
I want to make it all better for HIM. I want to make Tish make up her mind, to quit pushing and pulling in all directions, to figure out her own stuff so he can figure out his.
But I can't.
All I can do is be here for him, and love him, and tell him that he must focus forward.
Drop him a word or two of encouragement if you feel up to it. He needs all of the positive enforcement that he can get...............
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UPDATE: And by 8:00 PM they were snuggled together on the couch. LOL
Soooooooooooooo ..........
I am turning my experience into a dissertation topic.
Here are my problem statement choices:
The problem that this study addresses is that mothers and their incarcerated sons are being forced into a space of silence and invisibility by a society that operates on principles vastly different from and very judgemental of the norms and mores these groups are forced to establish within their marginalized space.
or:
The problem that this study addresses is that mothers of incarcerated children are forcing these children into a space of silence and invisibility because of the principles of a society that operates much differently from and very judgemental of the norms and mores this group is forced to establish within its marginalized space.
What do you think?
Now I must develop a purpose statement and questions, find possible participants, and write a proposal.............
I looked into his eyes as he spoke, and I listened, really listened, for perhaps the first time ever.
"He is a man," I thought. "Listen. He is really a man."
And, though I had noticed the deep voice and the beard stubble and the muscles and the movements, it was only in that moment of true listening that he became a man.
"Why?" I wondered to myself later. "Why now? Why after 14 months of being with this 24-year-old being is he suddenly appearing before me as a man?"
I'm not sure I can answer that, yet, but I do know that I never want to think of him as a child again. I am ready for our relationship to move to the next level. I am ready to let him fly.
And he is ready.
I knew it when he spoke of his options for moving out - and of the ways he would care for his daughter when he did so. He didn't look for my okay. He knew my okay didn't matter anymore. He only looked for my support and understanding. Perhaps that's the difference. When he was looking in my eyes, and talking, he wasn't trying to convince me as he had done in the past. There were no "I don't know" answers or "Whatever" responses. He was sure and confident in his speech.
I am still afraid. That may not change for many years to come. But I am sure. And it is time.
Today, my son is the man that he needs to be to make his way in this world. And today, I am the mom who can swallow her fear and let him go.
When my son was arrested and sent to prison for 18 months for possession on marijuana and intent to distribute, I started this blog. I started it because I was afraid and alone and angry.
It wasn't that I didn't have anyone around me, I did. And it wasn't that they didn't care or that we didn't talk, we did. My family and I talked a lot, and it helped, but the raw pain that I felt, the insecurity, the fear that this was some how my fault, that I had some how let him down, let my family down, was something that only I knew, something I could only share very surfacely with those I loved the most.
And to those outside of my family circle, those I worked with or ordered coffee from or saw only occasionally, those people knew nothing, or very little, of what I was feeling as a mother of a son who I rarely called into being through general conversation. Those people never knew that they were talking to a mom whose son was a convict. They never knew that they knew someone who visited a prison every weekend. They never knew.
I had an invisible son. I wanted him to be invisible in those moments of general conversation almost as much as I wanted to have him home with me, with us, in all of the other moments.
Why, though? Why do we as moms feel so responsible for the broken dreams, for the drift from the normal?
That is where I am now.
I want to know why we create this invisibility, what stigmas and power structures are in play, and how we can make our voices heard so that others might not feel so very alone.
And so I will blog it through, here, with all of you.
There are tears in my eyes and in my heart as I post this beautiful picture.
Destiny and her daddy will get on the big plane today, as our visitation is over. Robert had to pack her suitcase last night. He said it was the hardest thing he has done so far.
It hurts my heart to think about them being separated again, to think about how much he is hurting, to know that it could be a month or more before she is back.
The custody papers can now be filled, though, as this was a fabulous visit, and Destiny wants to stay "wite heare." We want her to stay wite heare, too, but this must be done the right way, and that means returning her as scheduled by the courts. KNowing it is the right thing sure doesn't make it easier, though .........
Destiny's first day home with daddy:
Arriving at Raleigh's airport. Daddy is already tired!
Coming out of the airport and heading for the car.
Destiny insisted on pulling her own bag. I love this picture!
Everyone needs a McFlurry after a long flight.
"Here Daddy. This is your bite."
The first full season of Sponge Bob. One of Destiny's favorites.
Playing fetch with Uncle Nic and Roxie.
Trying to get her to settle down and watch a movie -- not entirely successful, haha.
This is an amazing smile. She is such a happy girl!
It took Destiny no time at all to adjust to everyone and to want to snuggle.
She does love her daddy ..............
Sweet dreams to all.
ONE YEAR AGO TODAY, we were here. He was afraid and shell-shocked and timid as he walked into the noise and technology that is the real world.
One year ago today, I wasn't able to believe, wasn't able to relax, wasn't able to look ahead much further than one day.
But, TODAY, December 16, 2006, so many things have changed. 
Look in his eyes.
See the life and hope and glimpses of the future that are his. Look how relaxed. He belongs here, now. Completely.
Today I believe.
Today I know.
Yes. Today I know.
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